That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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