I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
