I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
