i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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