Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
