your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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