I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
