my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
