you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
