yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
