I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
