There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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