I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
