I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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