I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
high people should be assigned attendants
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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