Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
