And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My ass is underappreciated
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
