we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
