Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
