If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
