Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
