i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
