I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize