AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
