oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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