Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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