I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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