It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You need a sexual gate keeper
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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