I have demons in me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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