so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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