So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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