We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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