so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
