How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
