I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
