He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
