so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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