is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize