brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
