HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
