my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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