I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
