my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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