I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
