she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
