Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
