my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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