I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
