you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
