Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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