you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
