ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i think my cat just said my name.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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