i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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