My first STD was from a foam party
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
