areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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