C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
