There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
