hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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