he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She has the best kind of daddy issues
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize