Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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